As Divorce rates are passing the 50% mark, we need to stop and think what this is doing to our family, primarily our kids.  Where do they fit in?  How do we help them cope with their parents not living in the same house any more?  Do they have to choose sides?  How do we help them NOT to have to choose sides?  I believe with all my heart that a child NEEDS both his mother and father in his/her life, in order to grow up to be emotionally stable and secure.

I have seen so many families torn apart by the parents trying to convince their kids that they are the better parent, or that they are the victims as well.  They want to use the kids as pawns to get back at the other spouse.

How do we stop this cycle?  I starts with our Ego, that sometimes we let it totally take over our reasoning.  I can remember when I had a boyfriend I lived with for over a year and we decided to break up.  I knew he was not the right man for me, I knew I wanted him out of my apartment, yet when he started dating someone (while he was still living in my apartment) and a week later he told me wanted to marry her, I was devastated.  I should have been rejoicing, as this got him to finally move out of my apartment and out of my life.  That was something I had been trying to make happen for a few months.  But my EGO got in the way, and I just could not believe he could go to someone else so fast.

I was actually depressed; can you believe that?  Not for long however. It took me about a week, it turned out to be a great excuse for my Father, (may he rest in peace,) to come over to spend time with me. I told him that I felt like a really needed his hug, he had the BEST hugs in the world, a real teddy bear.   SO he called me later in the day and asked what I was dong the next day at 4 pm.  I said lying on my black couch.  He asked me if I would come and pick him up at the airport.  Now, what an amazing father is that!  It was the first and only time in my life that I spent a week alone with him, just the two of us.  I always said there is something positive in everything.

By the way, this is something I highly recommend for everyone out there,  don’t wait for a divorce, or crisis,  spend time one on one with each of your kids, it is a totally different experience and really helps strengthen the bond between you and your child.

Next week I’ll write about my life as being “the other woman”.  I married a divorcee.