“Good friends are like stars…. You don't always see them, but you know they are always there”

"Thank you for being my friend, I am here for you always"

How do be “honest” with your sister in law about something that she does that bothers you, and also not hurt her feelings?

The first question that arises is “Should I even bring up the subject?”

What is the subject? “Double Dipping“. Now I start to laugh as I recall the famous Jerry Seinfeld episode with George doing his double dipping.  Totally classic, but what happens when it is happening in your own home, with your SIL or even a good friend.

To talk or not to talk, that is the question!  Would it be so terrible to ignore?  Are they at your house enough to bring up the conversation?

As I was having a wonderful afternoon lunch with “the women of the Board” one of the ladies asked us what she should do.  It totally drove her crazy. And not only was her SIL double dipping, she was eating straight out of the serving bowl, time and time again. (Maybe she should watch this) We all decided that honesty here, discreetly off to the side, was the best policy.  She said it totally grossed her out and did not want to have family dinners at her house because of it.  By not telling her SIL, she was putting herself in a situation to distance herself from her family.  Therefore, we thought the matter should be addressed, but with great sensitivity,  i.e., in private.

It could be very well that her SIL was just not aware that she was that was doing something that might be considered uncouth, or bad manners, and more importantly, that bothered our friend. I have found that usually when someone is made aware of an action that they are doing that upsets someone; they will make an effort to stop it.  They can’t be expected to be mind readers and therefore, they probably have no idea that what they are doing drives you nuts.

Make them aware of what is on your mind, gently and lovingly, and you will both feel so much better!!  Now that is a great friendship gift,  honesty!

So go ahead, be honest, just do it with love and kindness.

An honest answer is the sign of true friendship.– Proverbs 24:26

I am talking about a real swing, the type of swing that you drop 210 feet and then swing out over trees tops.  Now that was scary and thrilling at the same.  The scariest part was the fact that I actually had to release myself for the drop.  I was thinking as I was pulling the pin out that was holding me up; maybe this is really just a bit crazy?  But after I did it, Wow, what a thrill.  I screamed like crazy,  (that was fun too) and then started to enjoy the swinging.

The reason I think friends that swing together stay together is connected to my good friend from Mexico.  She was absolutely terrified to go on this swing.  I convinced her it would be fun , not really realizing what was involved.

Swinging with Friends

Once we got there and saw what it was, she did not think she could do it.   With a bit of encouragement, she made the decision she was going for it.  She had opted out of a bungee jump the day before and was determined not to let fear stop her this time.

Amazing View

The guy that straps you in at the top of the swing liked to scare you as he was connecting you, by telling you how the swing was so much scarier than the bungee jump.   I went first and let him know to not even go there with my friend, as I was sure she would back out if he started telling her how scary the swing was.  He took me seriously and just helped her out, no stories.

Here I Go!

Screaming - Fear or Fun?

I will Swing with you anytime my friend!

The feeling of “I DID IT” is so amazing afterwards, that your connections to the people around you that encouraged you to take that swing, are strengthened 10 fold.  The group that all took the swing together, encouraging each other towards that moment of pulling the pin out, were empowered and forever connected.

Huge thanks from me to all my swingers out there!!

Every year on the same day for the last 65 years we have been lowering the flag to half mast – standing at attention and remembering the 6 million Jews that perished during the Holocaust.

While growing up I had many friends whose parents were survivors.  Some of them spoke about their parent’s stories and experiences on how they survived and some of them never uttered a word about it.  They were silent.

I had one friend in particular (she is still one of my best friends today) and her mother was my mother’s best friend.  This woman was orphaned during the war and was brought to Canada with a large group of other children who survived the Holocaust and were adopted by Jewish families.

She really did not speak about her childhood openly.  I asked my mother why she doesn’t yell out to the world – I survived!  I am living! I have a family!

My mother hugged me and told me that she tells her story every day by living her life.

My mother also told me that it was difficult for her to talk about her past but a few times, quietly just the two of them, her friend would tell her about her memories of her family – the boat – and the sadness in her heart.   My mother felt honored to be her friend and that she was able to share her stories with her.

I had another school friend whose father had come to speak to us at school.  He was very short. He told us that the Germans where coming into the barracks of the camp and were going to do another “selection”.  He knew that short people would be “selected” as they were not big or strong enough to work. And hence would be sent to their death.   He quickly found a rock and stood on it with his pants covering it.  When the German walked by him he continued and passed him by.  He lived to tell the story.

After hearing that story – I promised myself (I was probably only 7 or 8  ) I would never ever make fun of short people!

Today as parents, together with my school friends who are first generation from survivors – tell their parents stories to their children, in hope that their children will continue and tell their children and their children and their children.  So that the stories of friends and relatives who were massacred during the Holocaust will never be forgotten.
As Hannah Szenes wrote:

My God, My God, I pray that these things never end,

The sand and the sea,

The rustle of the waters,

Lightning of the Heavens,

The prayer of Man.

Blog by Shari

My Best Friend

My husband is my best friend.  As I heard his message on my voice mail

“Hi, I have a 2 min break and just wanted to say Hi”,

I felt those chills run up and down my back and felt warm and loved all over.  Love was pouring out of me as well, just knowing that he still takes the time to think about me, pick up the phone and say a quick “Hi,  you are on my mind,  I just wanted to hear your voice.”  I consider that a wonderful friendship gift, the gift of his presence. The gift of appreciation, appreciation of me, of “US”.

I know that I am an “I”, and he is a “You”, but our “Us” is so much better!

“I, take you, to be my friend, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part. ”

This is a common wedding vow that so many of us have taken (or a variation of it) and we try our hardest to keep to it!

Our partners in life are supposed to be our best friends so this makes sense to make a vow to one and other!

We have other good friends in our lives; however we don’t usually exchange vows with them – even though the union of two close friends is really not any different than the union of marriage based upon the above vows!

Our good friends we want to have and to hold – for better and for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health…

So do we?

• Have we been friends during good times and then found it difficult to be friends during hard times?
• Have we been friends when everyone is healthy and then shied away when someone gets sick?
• How about financial difficulties?
• Have we helped when we can
• It is so easy to be a friend when we are all in a utopian state of mind and health but when times get tough?

I have been working with My Stone Company almost three years and let me tell you I have learnt so much!  Cathy Raff – the founder and president is my boss! Everyone should have a boss like her.  It is a pleasure to wake up in the morning to tweet and facebook my status as “Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to work I go – With a smile on my face!”

Yes, I have a great job – but I love my job because of the amazing people who I work with.  They have become my friends.  Cathy – the ultimate Friendship Advocate or Queen of Friendship has shown me over and over again how important friends are in our lives – during good times and even more so during difficult times!

All of us (4 women – two continents, in 4 cities) have all gone through difficult times and I see how our friendships have helped to keep us going.  Cathy has discussed in her blogs how during her illness (UC) her friends stuck by her and helped her through the difficult times.

Almost two years ago my father passed away, it was a terrible time for me, I had to leave my daughter and husband in one country and fly to his funeral and mourning period in another.  But through the help of friends (and family) I got through it!  My closest of childhood friends came and sat with me, held my hand, and hugged me when I needed it.   The emails and calls from the “girls at work” were full of warm and beautiful positive words; I felt their hugs from so far away.  Even the shortest of text messages

“I love you, I am here for you”

made me feel so much better.

I don’t think that I would have been able to go through that time without my friends!

I know that it is extra work to be a friend during difficult and hard times – but it pays off – the reward of an even stronger friendship is the best!

I have to say, this was the best and easiest time I have had with the kids on one of his business trips. They are all starting to get along better, I think it is a combination of them growing up and a lot of talking about how to talk and behave towards other.  The atmosphere in the house is calmer and we really have fun together. For the past few months, all of my kids have been joining me on my car pooling, meaning they decided to just come along for the ride to keep me company when I have to wait an hour here or an hour there.  It has proven to be serious quality time.  I bring the Rummy set and we play that or cards.  My girls are wicked at Rummy.  There is serious thought put into moving the pieces around, and it is so much fun to see how their brain works.  It used to be that only my youngest would join me, and now they both come, wonderful!

The first weekend my youngest went on a weekend with her youth movement,  so it was my son and middle daughter home.  We had a great time roaming the streets of Tel Aviv, eating frozen Yogurt, going to my in law’s for dinner and then playing hearts afterwards.  I am not sure how it happened, but I got the Queen of spades EVERY game.

The next weekend my son went away with his camp for a weekend in the desert.

That left the two girls at home.  My youngest wanted us to do everything we did the week before so she would not miss anything.

As we were roaming around Nachalat Binymin again, we came upon an Australian singer, Carlie Fairburn,.

She recently moved to Israel.  She was really very good, check out her site, and also really appreciative of all the money she earned from the bystanders.

We also made sure we bought lots of string,  every color under the sun, because the girls are busy making bracelets to give away on Purim.

My in laws graciously had us over again, and this time Daughter #1 also joined.  She is the Rummy Queen.  I watch her move pieces around the board and am constantly awed by what she comes up with.   She beats us 9 out of 10 times when we play, so it was very satisfying to win on Friday evening.

The next day I took the girls to the Tel Aviv Museum to see an incredible exhibit, by Zadok Ben David

Wow, amazing sculptures!

Afterwards we went for dinner, picked up my son from his weekend, headed to our favorite Frozen yogurt place in Neve Tsedek, Yogurt Anita on 23 Shabazi Street in Neve Tsedek.  They have all kinds of goodies, Gummy bears, chocolate, granola, but what I like best is the fresh fruit. They put it under and on top of your frozen yogurt, and you can fill it up the toppings as many times as you want.  You can be sure we take advantage to that little detail!

When I asked the girls what was their favorite part of the weekend, they said “being with you”.  Hearing that quote became my favorite part of the weekend.  How lucky am I!

Or should I say – the true test of friendship…..dirty laundry!

I now know that one of my newer friends is a real friend! She brought me her dirty laundry!!

I like to think of myself as a good friend! Recently on Facebook one of my friends stated in her status that her washing machine had died! And that she was doing winter laundry in her bathtub! I could not believe that!

Ok so the laundry mat culture of big city America has not hit my home town, there are no laundry mats – but hey, you have friends with washing machines! Of course I commented and said ” Please get out of the middle ages and come do laundry at my house”… the reply was ….. “Don’t worry we have so much clothing…we will wear what we haven’t in a long time.” And I again said – “come do your laundry!!”

Then I started to think about this woman. She is an amazing strong vibrant woman – a mother of four children, active in the community, always helping out others…. So why was it so difficult to say yes – I need help?

Is it embarrassing to ask for help? Are we exposing our hidden weaknesses when we ask for help or accept help? Or do we think that we will be indebted to the person for ever?

Laundry for thought!

Then yesterday at 8:00am after returning from taking MJ to school there was a knock at the door, my friend, shyly smiling saying – coffee….and laundry?

She brought me her dirty laundry! I was so honored!

We had a great coffee – piece of chocolate cake (left over from my hubbies birthday) great conversation and in an hour my friend went home with clean smelling clothing!

Later in the day I was speaking to Laure on Skype, she said she didn’t have a lot of time to chat for she was just cooking up a pot of chicken soup and was off to visit a friend that was under the weather (a day before Christmas – not good) .

I told her about my laundry story and she said – I also reached out to my friend who is not feeling well today – let me help – I have time to do for you what you can’t do – you rest! It was like pulling teeth for her to agree!

Why? – Wouldn’t her friend do the same thing for her? Of course she would!

So now I have a New Year’s Resolution – keep on helping – keep on offering help to others and most of all when I need help – ask for it – take it – embrace it!

Season’s Greetings and a Happy Healthy New Year!

Shari

Ok so I am stuck in a virtual real world.   I of course I have friends, I have lots of friends, friends that I meet on a regular basis, friends that I speak to over the phone or skype on a regular basis, friends that I see once in a while and friends that I see once a year (but it is like we see each other every day) .  I also have friends on line, I have my Facebook Friends (I have less then 200) and I have Twitter Friends (less than150) and I have some other Mom Blogger friends.  I have to say that my circle of friends is rich and healthy.

So what is wrong with having my FB and Twitter friends?  Are they a different type of friend?  Does having virtual friends harm my ability to keep and enrich my “real” world friendships?  I will answer that – Yes and No!

I guess I am not a typical FB’er or Tweeter. Most of my friends on FB are friends living abroad or family that I don’t see often.  And my Twitter followers are people who have something (usually) to say that sparks my interest (it could be web development, breaking news, philosophers, techies, other mom bloggers with great tips, or even Ellen from TV!)  I enjoy their comments and their 140 characters!

I have found that due to my interactions with my FB friends – I have come a lot closer in the real world to a lot of them.   Just recently a FB friend visited me while traveling in Israel.  I had not seen her for 15 years – I have seen pictures of her wedding, of her kids, her husband, her newly renovated home, I knew about her oldest participating in a school play and her youngest when he fell off his bike and broke his arm.  So when we did finally meet and really hug – I felt like I had just seen her last week!  It was great and how we both (over 45) are really getting into the virtual world!

On Twitter I find that I follow people who are going to give me “added value”  for example, I follow @AsoldiersMother, (great blog from Israel from a soldiers mom) , I follow @GuyKawasaki who has an unbelievably huge reservoir of information that he shares, @Girlfriendology , fun information and stuff for BFFs, @slykingHot1077 who produces a radio program in the mornings in South USA but I love the way he signs on in the mornings  ”awake and thanking God for blessing me to see another day!” and @Deepak_Chopra who’s wisdom flabbergasts me!  So are these people going to harm my real relationships with people?

They could if I didn’t have any self control and sat on the computer all day and all night – listening to my twitter deck beep like a submarine or my live news feed go so fast everything goes blurry!

But I don’t – I limit my use (even though I use it for work too!)

Which is another question – how do we use social media for business?  This I will talk about another time!

I did however find two great articles on Social Media Friends – One Pro and One Con- Read them – Think about it and let me know what you think!

Wow

I have a group of Ex Pat friends that started to make it a tradition to have Thanksgiving together each year.  I love it because most of us are so busy that we do not have the opportunity to see each other during the year.  We have met new friends thru this dinner, friends of Friends.  And it is a “small world” dinner as well.  Aviva and  I went on an overseas student program at Hebrew University in 1978-9.  Now that is 30 years ago!

Her husband Hezi is on the board of “Yeladim”,  is a voluntary organization, founded in 1986, in order to assist children in residential group homes.  She introduced me to Rach, who has become a good friend for the past 20 years.

She brought another friend of hers, that turns out is Phyllis Glazer, , the renowned food writer for The Jerusalem Post.  Phyllis and I have worked together many times in the past, she as the writer and I as a photographer when I was working as a Food photographer!

And they added their good friends, Denise and Avi, who founded the Make a Wish Foundation here in Israel. My kind of people that have dedicated their lives to giving!  And lastly, one of our best friends, Yadin, (his wife is in the States this week) one of the Founders of Tmura, an organization that supports educational initiatives and youth opportunities, among other charitable activities in Israel, by sharing in the wealth being created by the country’s technology sector. 
A Group of Givers!

After you add in everyone’s kids and boyfriends, girlfriends, we were 32 in total.  I am so excited to host everyone this year at our house.  The kids and I have been setting the table for the past two days, now it’s time to make the food.

It is a big potluck, so I get to do the things I love to make.  I will share with you my world famous Panacota Recipe, (not joking here) that I learned how to do on a cooking course I went to with my sister Jill and some friends in Italy many years ago.  It is actually much better than the original, because I have perfected it-  I know I am modest,  but this really is the all time BEST!):

What a great tradition!  Thanksgiving and don’t forget to GIVE thanks!

(I will add the recipe later in the day)