When I was 14, during the Yom Kippur War, I made a decision that I would move to Israel and be an active part of Jewish History, from Center stage. The first few days of the war, we were extremely worried that Israel might loose, and it was a devastating thought. I thought to myself, how could I ever explain to my kids that we finally had Israel after 2000 years and I was living in America. Now this was a very idealistic and naïve decision, especially considering I had never been her before. But it gave me direction in life. That was one thing I always had, direction.
When I was 17, I came to Israel the first time, on a youth group program for 6 weeks. It was a dream come true for me. I fell in love the first time, two ways. First with a boy, who I was with for 5 years-long distance, and secondly, with Israel, where I have lived the past 25 years.
I went off to University of Texas at 18, the first time really living away form home. I went thru lots of changes. First of all, I found out I had Ulcerative Colitis. Secondly, I started to question EVERYTHING, including Israel. (That is why I think it is important to put some distance between yourself and your parents, you need the space to really grow and decide what you want out of life). Where I use to think something was white, I now thought it was black, basically I was spinning around and around in my head with all the questions of youth, what is it al about, do I really believe this etc.. At one point I just had to stop myself from thinking in order to stay sane.
But one thing I did realize, was I had this dream of Israel for 4 years and that I really should make an educated decision on whether to move there or not. In order to do that, I would need to go there, live there and then see how I felt after a year. I did not want to just give the dream up, but I also did not want to follow it blindly. Maybe my direction was changing. I was the kind of person that could change directions, but I always had to have a direction.
So I came home during Thanksgiving vacation and told my parents why I had to go and study a year in Israel my sophomore year, so I would know what was my direction. They supported me 100%, and I think secretly hoping I would decide to change my direction and not move away. I signed up for the one-year program at Hebrew University. It was perfect, I would receive credits for all of my courses, but they would not count the grades. Now what more could you ask form a year abroad. It meant I only had to pass and I would go back a Jr. Wow, now that was just what the Doctor ordered!
Speaking of Dr.’s, I had to have one of course, for my disease had been getting progressively worse, with a few flare-ups’ under my belt by then….
